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02-04-2006, 09:14 AM
The little girl with the smile…
I had spent twenty minutes trying to draw their attention uselessly… they were like humming birds, their eyes hit everything in the room, talking and laughing… the computers were so exciting to them… mixed with the pleasure of being all together, nothing could make those kids look into my eyes… I’d given up, so I rested on my seat thinking…
I’ve been teaching those creatures how to use computers for 5 years now… I always enjoyed it, even though it took a lot of effort to get satisfying results… they were little kids…
And for a moment my mind flied away… my family... my work… a beautiful girl… my troubles…
I had reached a far place… away from the classroom… how I was behind one of those desks... I remembered my desk… there were times when nothing could stop me from laughing… nothing could stop me from crying…
I used to run like a wild horse… without losing the smell of the air… the beauty of what’s around… everything was beautiful… even my tears…
What stopped me… what crippled me… what took my smile… my cry… where did the child go… how did the horse fall…
I don’t want to fall… I never fall … never lose… and my heart should not stop beating… I want it back alive… full of life… full of opposites… full of madness… like fire…
Ever had a dream when you’re dead…and you look at yourself dead… the agony you feel… the horror of the heart…
Suddenly I woke up… I entered the room… they were still there, I felt I’ve been away for hours… it was only 2 minutes…
And I lifted my eyes to see a little girl standing before me… she looked at my eyes…
Oh... that look… she was looking right inside of me… inside of my mind… inside my heart… I felt like I was caught naked… how she does it… how she can look so deep… she’s just a girl…
She had the sweetest smile ever… her head bended slowly to the side and she asked me: “are you tired?”
I could not say a word… how I wished to hold her… and never let go of her… she was an angel… I felt for a moment that she could take my entire burden away… forever….
But all I could give was a sad smile… she went back to her seat… and kept looking at me… with the same killing smile... till the end of the class…
Later at night… my tears were trapped in my eyes… I didn’t know why…
Was it the stress of work… the thoughts of my dear ones… my family…? Was it my woman… my beautiful lover… the lover that I might never meet…? The loneliness maybe... ? or maybe the emptiness... ?
Or maybe... it was just the little girl with the killing smile
I had spent twenty minutes trying to draw their attention uselessly… they were like humming birds, their eyes hit everything in the room, talking and laughing… the computers were so exciting to them… mixed with the pleasure of being all together, nothing could make those kids look into my eyes… I’d given up, so I rested on my seat thinking…
I’ve been teaching those creatures how to use computers for 5 years now… I always enjoyed it, even though it took a lot of effort to get satisfying results… they were little kids…
And for a moment my mind flied away… my family... my work… a beautiful girl… my troubles…
I had reached a far place… away from the classroom… how I was behind one of those desks... I remembered my desk… there were times when nothing could stop me from laughing… nothing could stop me from crying…
I used to run like a wild horse… without losing the smell of the air… the beauty of what’s around… everything was beautiful… even my tears…
What stopped me… what crippled me… what took my smile… my cry… where did the child go… how did the horse fall…
I don’t want to fall… I never fall … never lose… and my heart should not stop beating… I want it back alive… full of life… full of opposites… full of madness… like fire…
Ever had a dream when you’re dead…and you look at yourself dead… the agony you feel… the horror of the heart…
Suddenly I woke up… I entered the room… they were still there, I felt I’ve been away for hours… it was only 2 minutes…
And I lifted my eyes to see a little girl standing before me… she looked at my eyes…
Oh... that look… she was looking right inside of me… inside of my mind… inside my heart… I felt like I was caught naked… how she does it… how she can look so deep… she’s just a girl…
She had the sweetest smile ever… her head bended slowly to the side and she asked me: “are you tired?”
I could not say a word… how I wished to hold her… and never let go of her… she was an angel… I felt for a moment that she could take my entire burden away… forever….
But all I could give was a sad smile… she went back to her seat… and kept looking at me… with the same killing smile... till the end of the class…
Later at night… my tears were trapped in my eyes… I didn’t know why…
Was it the stress of work… the thoughts of my dear ones… my family…? Was it my woman… my beautiful lover… the lover that I might never meet…? The loneliness maybe... ? or maybe the emptiness... ?
Or maybe... it was just the little girl with the killing smile